Rantings of a bored teenager

So I'm no super upset this time. No instead it's just bored complaints and the like.

Today I took the kids out to McDonald's for a sundae because I'd promised Cohen that I'd take him and Adah to McD's when I got my license. Oh and dad called this morning, begging me to drive him back to ND. He said "I know you can do it, you've go a license now." DING DING DING!!! There was the first and foremost reason I waited this long to get my license. ANYWAY!!

I'm freakin' bored as hell, and it's kinda hot here @ Lesa's house. The living room is decent, but I love my coldy-coldness T_T blah blah blah.....

Ok I really am that flippin' bored. I need to go home cuz I have papers to mail!! But I don't wanna go over there with drunky-mc-drunkface over there >_< And now I'm hungry cuz I only had enough change for 2 sundaes XD Oh well, the kids were happy. I have a feeling they're going to start playing Nazi Zombies on WaW soon o.o They have all the Nazi Zombie map packs XD they're crazy!! Anyway.

Ok, I think I'll go eat now. I leave u with "Stop! Demyx Time!" XD it's a Kingdom Hearts cosplay show about Organization XII on youtube, it's kinda cute actually, lol

Bye bye
<3

Every little thing I do...

It seems even now, I've been quite happy for a few days. Very uncharacteristic for me, but no matter how good of a mood I'm in, I can always be made to cry. All it takes is a scolding from my mother because she's stressing, or even something as stupid as the guy who supposedly loves me gets angry because I'm not "laying in bed next to him" even tho he's millions of miles away.

I'm so sick of everything always being my fault, no matter who it's coming from or what I've done or didn't do, it's always my fucking fault!! Nothing I do can be appreciated by my family because they all expect more and more out of me. I can't keep up with their expectations and it makes me feel like complete and utter shit.

I wish everyone would just stop expecting anything of me. If I could just fade into oblivion without anyone noticeing, that would be just pure and utter bliss to me.

No longer anything at all to worry about. Not worrying about school, chores, boys ANYTHING!! Absolutely nothing....

This is bliss...

Is it wrong?

How many years has it been since we've been together? How many girls has he been with since me? How many guys have approched me looking for a fling...or even a little more? Why is my heart still drawn to him? Is it wrong? Even after everything we've been through, why do I still give him the license to my heart?

I'm so hurt and so confused.

How do I make it stop hurting? How do I stop myself from crying for him at night? How do I get him off of my mind? How can I stop compairing a kiss with anyone, to a kiss with the man who's still got the pieces my heart? How can I love someone else, if my heart is no longer mine to give away? Tell me why? Is it wrong?

I've got someone who says he loves me and he'd give me the world. I know now that he's not the one, because I think of someone else when I'm hurting.

What do I tell him? What can I say?

I know I'll never be with the man that holds my heart again, and this fact kills me. But all I want in the entire world, is for him to hold me like he loves me. Like he used to.

Is it wrong?