Phone Call From The Past...

Yesterday I got a phone call. One that I was sort of dreading....but was happy to recieve anyway. I was so so tired sunday *which was my cousin cohen's 5th b-day party* and I ended up trying to sleep on the grass in the park, but it was just too cold and I slept very restlessly. I went home and took a shower and passed the FUCK out...it was only like 9pm. My phone I left in the living room because that's where my charger sleeps and I slept with my mom cuz I was too tired to clean up the mess all over the couch.

So I woke up at like 9am the next day *I slept all night, wierd huh?* and I looked at my phone and it told me I had one missed call from 1am...who the hell calls me at 1am?? So I check the list to see who it was and guess what? It was none other than Nic...

He left a message on my phone that went something along the lines of: "Hey Alisha, it's me Ring. Callin' to say hey, but I guess you're not gonna answer your phone. I don't know, maybe you hate me or something. But anyway *blah blah blah*" right? So I laughed and I thought of leaving him a message: 'Hey Nic, it's me Alisha. Callin' to check up on you, but I guess you're not gonna answer your phone, I don't know, maybe you're gay or something.' lol, Anyway, I decided I'd call him later.

Everyone left the house to go shopping and I just wasn't up to the task, so I stayed home and lay in bed for a while before starting up Fiesta and succeeding to do nothing but sit next to a gate for an hour before I logged out again. Anyway, while I wasn't in the mood to play, my phone rang. ya...it was Nic.

He had just woken up, and his first impulse is to call me again? WTF is up with that!? Mais...It was so fun. We talked a little about what's goin' on with us lately. From the sound of it, he ditched his girlfriend again. But we also talked about us in the past...how we used to be and how things were back then. Against my better judgement I flirted shamelessly with the man who broke my heart...We talked for a good couple of hours before he had to go...I was happy....but.......sad at the same time...

I'm so extremely tired lately, no ammount of sleep seems to help. I slept a full 8 hours last night, and starting at 2pm I was already ready for sleep again. I'm feeling so extremely vulnerable too. My aunt came home today and made a comment about how I don't do anything so I should atleast do some cleaning around the house. Even though the comment was actually a shot at my uncles sister who lives down stairs...it really hurt to hear that from my aunt....It made me feel like crap and even now the voice in my head is screaming at me, reassuring me how worthless I am. It's days like this when I wish it was just over...everything....

I'm tired...I think I'm going to try to eat something and then maybe lay down...if they let me that is.....

Melodies of Life...

So there's this AMAZING contest on DeviantART that I wanna enter, which the picture has to be done by next month and I'm kinda freakin' out because my laptop is outta commission due to the damn cord is broken...AGAIN!! >_< This time it wasn't the power supply itself, it was the damn jack that broke off into my computer for no damn reason...ANYWAY!! The theme of the contest is "Good vs. Evil" ...now, this should be something I would JUMP at with my over willingness to draw angels and demons...but I don't want that to be in this picture. One of the things they're judging on is creativity, hence Angels*good* vs. Demons*evil* would be a "eh" idea compaired to the many amazing deviants on deviant art. So I got to thinking....What is "Good vs. Evil" and I thought...well it's essentially "right against wrong" and then I remembered a movie with the following line: "Good vs. Evil. Right against wrong. Doing what you think is right, even when no one else will help you." Which STILL didn't give me a great idea for my picture *sigh* Mais...

I was laying on the couch, dreadfully hot and wanting to sleep a bit before we head out to the gym and then off to the doctors office with my big sister. I was somewhat trying to fall asleep while listening to the music on my phone...which is all "danceish" music due to the fact that I listen to that when I'm working out...but...all of a sudden I wanted to listen to "Melodies of Life" from Final Fantasy IX...and I got a pained flash of me laying in bed...listening to this song....and the only thing I could think about was Nic....

So I opened up mom's laptop *which I have temporarily overed on to get my Fiesta fix* and drew up dizzler. I searched for "Melodies of Life" from FFIX...I also pulled up the lyrics...and as I lay here listening to that song...I couldn't help but cry...and the more I read the lyrics, the more I wanted to sob until I couldn't breath anymore...I could see myself...laying in bed with him...it was the first night we'd spent together. This song played pretty much all night long. And even now...I don't know why I'm crying...Do I miss him, or how he made me feel? All I know is that I'm confused...and still feel so, so alone.

There's an immense hole in my heart, and a giant tear ripped in my soul...at this point I'd give up pretty much anything for the pain to stop. My chest is heavy, and my heart feels twisted up and tight...just like when he....

I don't want to think about it...I want to cry until I'm numb and have nothing left to do except pass out...I think I'll just cry until someone wakes up...maybe it'll make me feel a little better....

My First SakuraCon

Ok so most of this SakuraCon was a scouting mission!! Didn't go to a lot of pannels or movies but instead did A LOT of walking!! Cosplay and Pictures. That's pretty much all this years SakuraCon was about. I'm ALREADY stoked about going next year!! Big things planned!! **Wants to plan and do a skit with my friends!!!!**

But for now, I will be happy with the videos on youtube and the millions of pictures from TONS of people all over the internet. Lovely Fox and Miss Loli took lots of pictures *my camera died and DOESN'T run on batteries* that I have amassed, but I'm too too lazy to upload the lot, ha! maybe in a few days my mind will change.

Ok so my last minute costume was TRUELY last minute, and I DEFINITELY be more prepaired for next year *omg, need advanced costume AND $1,000 for the MILLIONS of awesome things they sell there!!* I wasn't the only Night Class student *or Cross Academy Student for that matter* BUT!! I'm pretty sure mine was the only one that was made and not bought from a cosplay store. I was pretty happy with the way it all looked together =^^=

But I'm so tired, so I shall leave you with a video that is really cute *starts off a little boring, but then gets funny!* and the video that almost killed me *rofled to death* Enjoy them, I know I will, for they are forever in my favorites!

Long and Drawn Out....

So nothing REALLY has changed since my last blog, but I did go to sissy's where we layed around the house all day watching anime, lol. I fell in love with Vampire Knight and decided to dress up as a Night Class Student from Cross Academy for Sakura-Con which I NEED to start making nowwwwwwwwwww >_<

But I guess I'm writing to tell of my stupid father rummaging thru my crap. Ya, he went into my room, into my closet and opened my closed and somewhat locked locker looking for scrap change to exchange for booze. On his crusade he happened to find my relatively unopened and unused under the bed bondage kit which I got like a year ago thanx to sissy *gift card!!*

I guess it's my fault that I just threw it in my locker on the bottom shelf and didn't "hide" it properly, but it was the only place to put it while Carl n' his family were in my room that I KNOW they wouldn't open. Hence my locker was shut and had my ID wrapped around the damn handles.

Since he dared rummage thru my locker, that makes me sure that he went thru the cupboard next to my bed *which has my ICP necklace wrapped around ALL the handles* and found my vibrator too which I DID hide in a bag in the back of my locker on the bottom shelf, but took it out when I moved back in with my dad *before he was sent away that is >.>* damn it >_<

ANYWAY, I've found some AMAZING Vampire Knight art and I REALLY wanna try making some, also making some chibi's of the Ouran High School Host Club, especially the Hitachiin Twins!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333333333333333333333333 And of course the amazing Tamaki Suou! But I've been kind of...out drawn lately...even with the new inspiration to make some awesome work...I just feel...drained...

I also want to write some more fanfics!! I haven't written any in years!! I feel rusty, but I KNOW I can still do better then some of the crap I attempted to read today!! It makes me think, "Hey! I should write a story and then turn it into a doujinshi!!" But a solo project like that is so time consuming, and with my lack of true inspiriation *instead of spikes of interest* and nothing to keep me going makes me hesitate. The drawings are definitely possible, and the drafts or or raw versions of fanfics are easy, but a whole doujin!? I'd need atleast ONE person telling me all the time that it needs to be done!!

Anyway, I going to finish watching Family Guy and read sum more doujin/fanfics.

Love!

P.S. I'll check in right before Sakura-Con to put down some pre-con feelings and jitters!!