Melodies of Life...

So there's this AMAZING contest on DeviantART that I wanna enter, which the picture has to be done by next month and I'm kinda freakin' out because my laptop is outta commission due to the damn cord is broken...AGAIN!! >_< This time it wasn't the power supply itself, it was the damn jack that broke off into my computer for no damn reason...ANYWAY!! The theme of the contest is "Good vs. Evil" ...now, this should be something I would JUMP at with my over willingness to draw angels and demons...but I don't want that to be in this picture. One of the things they're judging on is creativity, hence Angels*good* vs. Demons*evil* would be a "eh" idea compaired to the many amazing deviants on deviant art. So I got to thinking....What is "Good vs. Evil" and I thought...well it's essentially "right against wrong" and then I remembered a movie with the following line: "Good vs. Evil. Right against wrong. Doing what you think is right, even when no one else will help you." Which STILL didn't give me a great idea for my picture *sigh* Mais...

I was laying on the couch, dreadfully hot and wanting to sleep a bit before we head out to the gym and then off to the doctors office with my big sister. I was somewhat trying to fall asleep while listening to the music on my phone...which is all "danceish" music due to the fact that I listen to that when I'm working out...but...all of a sudden I wanted to listen to "Melodies of Life" from Final Fantasy IX...and I got a pained flash of me laying in bed...listening to this song....and the only thing I could think about was Nic....

So I opened up mom's laptop *which I have temporarily overed on to get my Fiesta fix* and drew up dizzler. I searched for "Melodies of Life" from FFIX...I also pulled up the lyrics...and as I lay here listening to that song...I couldn't help but cry...and the more I read the lyrics, the more I wanted to sob until I couldn't breath anymore...I could see myself...laying in bed with him...it was the first night we'd spent together. This song played pretty much all night long. And even now...I don't know why I'm crying...Do I miss him, or how he made me feel? All I know is that I'm confused...and still feel so, so alone.

There's an immense hole in my heart, and a giant tear ripped in my soul...at this point I'd give up pretty much anything for the pain to stop. My chest is heavy, and my heart feels twisted up and tight...just like when he....

I don't want to think about it...I want to cry until I'm numb and have nothing left to do except pass out...I think I'll just cry until someone wakes up...maybe it'll make me feel a little better....